Have you ever had plans that you were incredibly excited about, but then all of a sudden, due to uncontrollable circumstances they went bust? Well, that’s me right at this very moment! As many of you know, I was supposed to intern in the kitchen at Glacier Bible Camp in Montana all throughout this summer. Unfortunately I got really, really sick and ended up having to be sent home (to Canada) because of it!
Many of you may be able to see my dismay! I was so excited about it! Then all of a sudden, I’m being told that it won’t work out the way it’s going and that I should go home to recover and then decide what to do thereafter. While I was given the warm invitation to come back when I’m better, driving back and forth several times from central Alberta to Montana several times in the summer just isn’t a viable option.
The night before I came home I talked on the phone with one of my really close friends crying my little heart out because I felt so lost and unsure of why all this was happening. I told her “I jut don’t understand. I’ve always tried to do what’s right. I see all these people I know who royally messed up having their dreams come true, and here I am, every time i get remotely close to a dream come true, it bursts. I just don’t understand!” and she told me “Kristen, I don’t know why this is happening. But I do know one thing, it’s usually the most faithful who go through the hardest times. In fact, I envy you for your hardships, because that shows how close you are to Christ”…Well, what does one say to that? I’m still dumbfounded at that! She envy’s my hardships?!
That really got me to thinking. I can either mope and feel sorry for myself, or I can trust God that he knows what he’s doing. And YES! it is a hard thing to do! I’m the kind of gal that likes to know about what’s going on and what’s going to happen when t comes to the BIG stuff in life! Not knowing drives me crazy! As Christians we always preach surrendering everything to God, but I surrender is a hard thing when it comes to something that you “NEED” to have absolute control over! Crazy thing is, it’s those “needs” that he most wants for us to give to him. Why? Because that’s where we really have to exercise this thing called faith that we Christians speak so often of.
I’m slowly starting to realize that exercising faith can hurt sometimes. Whether it comes to future careers, future (or even current) relationships that we have both with a significant other and even with friends, or even just making everyday decisions. How is it easier to dwell on something and cause ourselves anxiety, rather than give something up and trust the Creator of the universe with it? I think it’s because we humans feel the need to have control over it. Even dwelling on something that we have no control over gives us a measure of feeling in control…How twisted is that?
Trust is a BIG thing I’m learning right now. I felt God impress something upon my heart a few months ago, that I have held tightly to and that is this: “Trust in the midst of the unknown”. That is what I’ve slowly been learning to do. Trust him even though I am sitting in a time where I know not what is going to happen…There’s a measure of peace in that. Just knowing that while everything seems unknown to me right now, God KNOWS! HE KNOWS! He knows everything that is going to happen and says “Trust me that I am preparing you for what is to come. Trust me that I know and that I have a plan.”
When I realized that I had to come home, something my Omma and Oppa used to say came to mind, “Mench denk , Gott lenkt” that’s German for “Man thinks, God steers.” We can make plans all we want, but ultimately, it’s God’s plans that are going to prevail.
So, this is a time of learning to trust him! Trust that while I thought it was the best thing to happen to me, God knows what I need, and as long as I trust him, he will bring everything about that needs to be brought about!
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” ~Romans 8:28 (NLT)