Last night, I was working on some stuff for the book I recently wrote, and as I got finished, I felt this sudden wave of complete defeat wash over me. For no reason at all, it was like it everything was over before it even began. Not only did it bring a wave of unexpected mental and spiritual exhaustion, I became incredibly fatigued-like, my body just wanted to completely shut down right then and there.
Then, this morning I woke up waaay earlier than I usually do, and I laid in bed with so many thoughts rolling through my head. The problem with that is, once I start to dwell on something, it basically means no more sleep for me.
So I sat up, turned my bed-side lamp on, and grabbed my journal and Bible and stared writing and reading.
This is what was given to me in my early morning quiet time with the Lord;
As I said, when I wake up early, I tend to lay in bed and over-think and over-analyze situations. Well, this morning was no exception. Waking up with a million emotions running through my head isn’t fun. The worst part is, it’s almost always about the same thing-or I should say, person.
When I start to think about things in regards to guys, work, the ministry, and writing I tend to obsess. And the obsessing usually leads to feelings of automatic defeat-despite the fact that nothing bad has actually happened!
This morning when I was praying, and seeking God’s desire and-to be honest-help for this situation, I came across some verses that really spoke to me:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
“Commit to the Lord whatever you do. and your plans will succeed.” Proverbs 16:3
This reminded me that Whatever I do, I need to lean on God for everything. Without his hand on whatever I do, I will never succeed.
Defeat is such an ugly feeling. It wedges itself into one’s heart and mind and makes them feel like nothing will ever turn out right.
Another verse I read this morning puts to words the exact action that defeat does to us;
“An anxious heart weighs a man down…” Proverbs 12:25
When I read this verse, I was reminded of a ring my dad bought me several years ago when I was in junior high school. It had a Bible verse inscribed on it that reminds me what I need to do when I do have an anxious heart;
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6
I have found over and over again, that prayer is exactly the best way to open the “release valve” of my heart to drain out all the anxious, painful, heavy thoughts and feelings.
Prayer; what an easy thing to do! It’s as simple as saying “Lord, this is how I’m feeling. I really just want to serve you, and these things are in my way of following you with abandon. Please help me not feel this way. Take these anxious thoughts from me so that I can focus solely on you.” And you know what? He does! Every. Single. Time!
I also find that talking to people often helps to! When I wrote Proverbs 12:25 above, I didn’t write the whole verse, so here is what it says:
“An anxious heart weighs a man down but a kind word cheers him up.“
How often do we forfeit the opportunity for someone to “cheer us up” because we think that they either don’t care, or that you don’t want to weigh them down with your “issues”?
“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:20
Gather together with someone you trust, and let them minister to your soul. Let God use them help bring you out of the pit of feelings of defeat!
It will do you so much good-I know it certainly is what helps me!